I'm leaving J-ville on Sunday...
And I'm in a royally bad mood over it.
After Christmas was over, all I could think was "I'm on the downhill of this trip" and it's been ruining it for me. I'm irritable and over emotional. I'm trying to look on the bright side of the whole thing, but it's hard. I'm thisclose to being done with school and being able to live WITH The Husband again and it's just killing me. I even added a week onto my trip so it wouldn't be over as quickly.
Today is one of those days where I have a really hard time being okay with all of this. Where I think about if I had just finished school on time, if he hadn't re-enlisted... all the what ifs.
And of course, I think about all of the responses to the what ifs, and how things wouldn't be how they are now... and how despite how the short term looks, I like how things are now... kind of...
It's quite the battle in the mind. To be unhappy with your situation, but happy with your situation. How exactly does that work?
Don't ask me, I can't figure it out.
And yes, I know "I chose this life!"
I know.
It can still be sucky sometimes. It can still be lonely. Even having an idea of what would happen, it still blows.
I can't wait for May. Can't.Wait.
After Christmas was over, all I could think was "I'm on the downhill of this trip" and it's been ruining it for me. I'm irritable and over emotional. I'm trying to look on the bright side of the whole thing, but it's hard. I'm thisclose to being done with school and being able to live WITH The Husband again and it's just killing me. I even added a week onto my trip so it wouldn't be over as quickly.
Today is one of those days where I have a really hard time being okay with all of this. Where I think about if I had just finished school on time, if he hadn't re-enlisted... all the what ifs.
And of course, I think about all of the responses to the what ifs, and how things wouldn't be how they are now... and how despite how the short term looks, I like how things are now... kind of...
It's quite the battle in the mind. To be unhappy with your situation, but happy with your situation. How exactly does that work?
Don't ask me, I can't figure it out.
And yes, I know "I chose this life!"
I know.
It can still be sucky sometimes. It can still be lonely. Even having an idea of what would happen, it still blows.
I can't wait for May. Can't.Wait.
I'm sorry :(
ReplyDeleteI hope May comes very very fast for you!
It's not too much longer, friend! You can do it! I know it! You will have your normal life together again soon (in the long run, not relatively speaking, of course).
ReplyDelete