My dog left for the Rainbow Bridge today.
He was 16 years old and in some pain. He had a pretty large growth on/around his bladder that we discovered last October. We decided that we didn't want to operate because he likely wouldn't come out of anesthesia (our vet reassured us that he wasn't in any pain at the time). He was tired, could barely stand up, and was ready. As crazy as it sounds, my mom and I both sat and talked with him alone one day. We each talked with him for about 10 minutes. We let him know that we loved him so much and that if he was ready to go, that he could, that we would be okay, and that we understood.
Being 16, he has lost a majority of his hearing and most of his sight. He could barely hear us calling him most days and his cataracts were really bad. But when we each spoke with him, it was like he heard everything we said. He looked us right in the eyes and nudged us with his head whenever we would stop talking.
My parents took him in today. I said my goodbyes before we left after a 4th of July visit. It was terrible.
But nothing like today.
When my mom told me he was gone, I just lost it. I knew I would be sad but I had no idea it would hurt like it did.
I miss him so much already. I miss him ignoring me until I walk in the room with food. I miss him barking at me to pay attention to him as soon as I get home. I miss him rolling around on the floor trying to rub his own back. I miss him licking absolutely EVERYTHING in the house (I mean everything... floors, couches, doors. I caught him licking The Husband's humidor one day).
I miss him.
The Rainbow Bridge poem is the only thing that helps me out a little... I'm still miserable. I just hope that he knows how much he was loved and still is loved.
My mom and dad were in the room with him the whole time and my mom held him while he passed since we didn't want him to be alone. I hope he knows just how much we love him.
Sorry. I'm rambling. I'm just a little bit of a mess. Knowing that he won't be there when I go home to visit is just wrenching my heart. I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Like there was some other option. Petloss.com has been comforting. Knowing I'm not the only one who feels this way helps a bit. I know he loved us unconditionally and that he would never want us to be sad. He was always the first one to comfort me when I was sad. He ALWAYS knew when I was sad, even if I wasn't crying. He would come and lay down next to me, even fall asleep with me and keep watch over me. He did that a lot over The Husband's first deployment.
I'm just sad. So, so, sad.
The Husband has been wonderful. I know he's really bummed out too but he's been so very awesome today; letting me mourn and talk about my pup whenever I had to.
I love you, puppy. I always will.